Monday, May 21, 2007

so i know its been almost two years since i've posted in this thing and it will probably be another two years before i post in it again, but i need some sort outlet where i can vent right now. for those of you who don't know i was supposed to go out to L.A. this summer on an internship. well i got a call last thursday telling me that my internship has been canceled because of some confidentiality waver they had to sign with a new client. it basically said that they can't of outside help that isn't employed by the company, because apparently this will cut down movie piracy.

this would have been my dream job, aside from actually writing and directing a movie. i exhausted all my connections to get this internship and now at the last minute its torn away from me. this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and the odds of anything like this coming my way again aren't very good. needless to say i'm pissed.

i look at some of my friends and everything just seems to click for them and everything works out fine. i hate them for it. i sometimes wonder if they ever had to work a hard day in their lives. on the other hand i have friends who are content with bagging groceries at jewel and i wonder how can they settle? and then there's me. i'm lazy and apathetic and yet i have desire to do something more with my life and when i finally get off my butt to do something it gets built up so close to being something great and then gets shot down.

now all i have to look forward to this summer is my parents breathing down my neck about how i need to do more with my life and who i should be working at least two jobs and going to school full time.

i don't necessarily mean everything i wrote in this post. i'm just very pissed off and pretty much hate life right now.
Posted by: ryan / 3:15 PM / 

Thursday, August 11, 2005

i've been wondering what to post in here for awhile. i've had a lot of time off to think about things and so far i've ended up more lost than i was before. God has been completely silent for a long time. i haven't gone to church for a long time either and as of right now i don't really have any plans to go back. i haven't given up on God, but my relationship with him has gotten pretty stale, which is to be expected when one side of the relationship refuses to talk. i've been hoping something would come along and spark some life back into it, but no luck so far. i'm dying for a piece of something right now so then maybe i can have some peace of mind. i don't think that will happen anytime soon.

what else can i rant about? i feel like there has been a severe decline in the quality of my friendship with most of my friends with the exception of a few. in the end that is mostly my fault, because i haven't made any effort to improve the situation or be a good friend in general. the sad thing is that i'm not sure whether or not i really care to change things. yeah i know, i'm a terrible person.

i'm starting school again in a week. i hate the fact i have to take a bunch of classes that will never apply to my life. my whole college experience has been a repeat of high school. the only reason why i continue to go is the hope that it might open up better oppurtunities for me in the future that could lead me to some kind of lasting happiness. maybe thats just an excuse to help me sleep at night.

i guess to summarize this whole thing i'll say i'm sick of waiting and i want some answers now. i've got a whole life to live, but i can't do that without any direction. how much longer are you going to make me wait? are you listening God?
Posted by: ryan / 3:11 AM / 

Monday, June 13, 2005

so its been a long time since i've updated this thing. heres the run down on what has been going down in my life as of late. i've been working and i'm getting pretty sick of my job, but it pays good for how little i actually have to do there. i've been dreading the fact that i'm probably going to have to do another semester at harper. God has been pretty silent lately and has left me without any guidance for what to do next with my life. to top everything off my cat ran away last night. i guess that sums up the last month or so of my life. crappy post i know, but i'm not really in a good enough mood to write anything better.

EDIT - my cat came home last night.
Posted by: ryan / 2:04 PM / 

Monday, May 16, 2005

i'm long over due for a post in here, but its three in the morning so i'm just going to say its been great being home, but i feel like i'm missing something big and i have no idea where to look for it. that was a long sentence.
Posted by: ryan / 3:20 AM / 

Sunday, April 24, 2005

its so good to be home.
Posted by: ryan / 8:20 PM / 

Monday, April 18, 2005

so its my last day here. i'm just sitting in the office half asleep. adam and i are going to try and watch the incredibles on the big screen at the jamm later. last night they had a surprise party for me at mcdonald's, which was a lot of fun. i think the idea was to reintroduce me to american culture. i've barely slept over the last few days. i just want to take a nap and then go bowling, but thats probably not going to happen. i can't wait to till i'm home.
Posted by: ryan / 2:40 AM / 

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

we played a show monday night. it was a lot of fun. we had these toy robots on the stage the whole time we played. i think i was paying more attention to them than playing the songs. we started the set by playing crazy train, which went over pretty well. anyways here are a couple of pictures. i might make a photodoc out of it on 4amblue later.

Posted by: ryan / 5:38 AM /