Sunday, September 10, 2006
Ends are beginings
Well, as you see, i am updating this blog. Why?. I guess I owe it to myself to write down my thoughts. I am about to leave israel for at least 10 months and be in the burbs of chicago , working with souled out. I was the camp director in israel this year and apperently what works in israel works in the suburbs (yeah right!_). So here i embark on a journey of faith. It is wierd leaving israel for such a long time, though i do have bitter feelings after doing reserves (i didn't particpate in the fighting since i was in norway and got back very close to the cease fire none the less it wasn't a good experience)i am not leaving for the good american life, i am leaving to be part of a ministry that needs alot of work, and i though believing this is what God wants am a little scared.
Ever since i have been out of the army i have toyed with ideas of what i should be doing in my life, wether ministry is the path for me, many times my mind wandered off in money making schemes, because as a man many times i do seek power and lets face it, money is power (no matter how holy you are). However as of now i somehow have chosen a path the leaves me powerless, i must rely on God. I know that this is something i should be scared of, but i also know that man (me as well) can get in the way of God's will in my life. This Scares me.
Ok, well this is long enough, tomorrow morning i leave, let's see where this will take me. all i know is i will end up back in my beloved yet ungrateful country.
11:47 PM L E |
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
3 years.
well , Sunday I was officially released from the Israeli army, I can't believe it's been 3 years and that it's over, all and all it was a great experience, Sunday we returned to my battery all of my march 2003 class and received plaques with a personal inscription on it, they jokingly wrote me as a missionary, I think that' awesome. I think in a month or so I will post and "the army experience post". (but i may not).
i have other things on my mind, starting with 2 peter chapter 1, basically it says that the fact that we know the messiah is enough for us to live a life of holiness. Amazing. no mumble jumble power but the KNOWING. It also says that if we are not living the life we have become blind and have forgotten the forgiveness of our sins. So true. We must remember that daily, in order to live a meaningful life that brings glory to God.
Second thing is LOVE. The second commandment, love each other as yourselves. I am so bad at that. But that's what it is all about. Loving. Not loving the unsaved but loving your brother the people close to you. I think that is something we (definitely I)lack. But that's what our faith and God is all about love love love nothing else. God is love, and we are the reflection of (love) it and must love (and sacrifice for) each other.
So it's time to live this love
4:05 PM L E |
Thursday, January 26, 2006
reflecting
I think we all strive to belong , to have a common cause and interest with a group of people. When i was younger it was easy to belong, there were many youth mniistries and activities that i could feel part of and stive toward a common goal. this all contributed to the faith i still hold today. However gone is the sence of belonging, i have no where to belong no group of people that are striving to this same goal of holiness. maybe it just me seeking for comfort that i am not alone in this battle, maybe it just a struggle for indetity in a world that is so against God... this is a struggle, where is my generation now? are we disapearing.?
10:14 PM L E |
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
just another day
It's Tuesday, just another ordinary day.
and that means nothing at all
don't know why i ever got out of bed.
the air is so thin , i struggle with each breath.
the moment i left my bed there was mud under my feet
and i slip every step my hands flying beside me.
when i fall, i blend in with the mud every person walking by steps on me , there path.
Someone is listening, watching, but all i hear is laughter and i turn away
don't know where i am going, my starting point is out of sight
and i am lost so lost i have forgotten my name, and the reason. the reason. i wish could remember it because maybe it would give me the strength to carry on.
4:07 PM L E |
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
thoughts..
around age 17 i made a decision that i wasn't going to date yet.. i never thought dating was wrong and i never had a good reason no too.( no one i can remember). i guess i wanted to focus on my relationship with God, wasn't ready, . not only that but i made an effort to even try not to flirt.even if i did like a girl she would have never guessed.. heh. well anyways. i turn 22 next month. and i still behave in the same manner. not even really thinking of making a move on any girl. heh. two of my good friends are getting married in the spring . one of them is younger than me. not that i am in any rush to get married, or feel like i am missing out on anything. or that i want a girlfriend now. but some how i need to start making moves..heh.
so maybe i should start flirting. lol.
i was just thinking about this on the way home. on the bus. and i thought i'd share it with the world.
12:39 AM L E |
Sunday, October 02, 2005
chuck's been updating so i should too.
monday is rosh hashana. the jewish new years, nothing will be new for me .. the only new thing for me is in march. i need change. yes change, somehow i need to grow up. and i need the freedom to do that. i need to explore. for so long i was so confident in myself and my piont of views. but now i have hit a piont where to much questioning is going on in my head with no attempt to answer anything. maybe it's just part of growing up. man i'm almost 22. i never imagined myself at this age. it's so not old and not young.i always have this striving to be extraordinary, and at 22 everything is ordinary . espcially my walk with God. somehow i just don't think that i should live my life out . and not make my mark. but then who am i? . you can't imagine how scary that question looks to me. ..
i think this is the last place on earth i am still honest and open.
Shana Tova.
12:14 AM L E |
Saturday, August 20, 2005
you should lose some to win.
what a week went on in israel, very proud of the army for doing there task on the best side.heart with the settlers hope for a better situation , aware that it can't get really good untill it gets "Godly good". (some cheese for you).
anyways, life, the future, hmm. annoying...
just keep it simple. yeah i have a show tonight, gonna do a photodoc and that's about it. nothing more nothing less..
5:06 PM L E |
Friday, August 05, 2005
update update.
It's been quite a while since i have written in here, i have posted pictures because i lost my camera. Yet also there's just times in life where you really don't think that people would like to hear and see about your life, cause if you see nothing extraordinary in it. who will?. So routine, 2 years 4 months of it, no matter how much excitement and unroutine stuff you try to pack in , that sunday morning, or wakeup at 8 AM is just around the corner, sure i have fun and at times it's great, but somehow at this age my Body is aching for adventure, ability to decide, buy, own , give,travel, love. al these things are limited not becuase of chioces you've made but becuase of choices thrown on to you. yes the best years of my life, learned so much, Grown so much, met and befriended some amazing people, but lif needs to move on, it's like everything it in theory now, i want to apply LIFE.
hmm that's my ranting about the Army.
Ever notice how some Friends you were close to, see you again and somehow aren't excited and somehow u just can't Get a conversation going. without endind it with , "we'll talk". hmmm.
where did all my friends Go to. i used to think i had a lot............
11:55 PM L E |
Sunday, July 03, 2005
taking it to far,
well, i am glad i got my rest this weekend i really need it, i am realising my body and mind are extremely tired, may God refresh me, neged ended this week on a sort of sour note, we didn't really have our end of the year party, it's kind of sad,i was so busy with stuff in the army that i didn't take time to organise t plus i ended up leaving my base much later than i expected. oh well, it's been a good year i already miss it. It's all in God's hands now.
so next week i join souled out on thier trip this year, i must keep them in prayer all week.
God i really need you to do something .. spectacular.
6:26 AM L E |
Saturday, June 18, 2005
tell me
so after two days spending in green i returned to civilian life, it's funny because some time while at home i think wow! i have a better time in the army, then sometimes i am in the army and all i want is to be somewhere wearing jeans and being with people i love. i guess the key is being where it's at. and it's all now.
Great times being home, Saw the smith movie last night . twas a good entertainment. no thinking required. the went to the beach with rami danny and my brother. didn't plan on doing anything tonight, ended being with two different groups of friends.
that's about it. i think after posting on 3 differnt places at 4 am it's time to Go to sleep and check it in the morning if america comments before they go to sleep..
Good night, it's been a good day.
4:03 AM L E |
Sunday, June 12, 2005
interesting again.
Well, sometimes (ever know that "sometimes", always comes before something deep) i question life to the extreme. Like why do we spend time with other people, and all we do is talk, how we strive for other people and friends, how we need them, we need other people, God has given us community and friends. we need all that, this website in part is here to fullfill a need, to communicate myself , to all who want to know my thoughts and doings, some would say that it's pathetic , i am searching and striving for attention. I disagree, we all need attention and love from one another, the truth is we aren't giving or getting enough, not on the internet and definately not in person, So this is my saying lets "love " some more.
Had the best time with danny over here this weekend. beach movies and great talks..home for a long weekend it's just half over.
1:05 AM L E |
Thursday, June 02, 2005
uping the date??
well here's an update.
it's so easy to look at life from two opposite pionts of views. one good and one bad. self pity destroys you and your ability to believe you're enjoying yourself...so i refuse to look at life in the wrong way. my life is full of purpose.. and just full in general. it all depends if your viewing the smooth or the jagged part of the rock.
10:50 PM L E |
Friday, May 20, 2005
blogging.
Just two years ago it was rare to have a blog, now everyone has it , and you blog to recieve attention and comments, nothing wrong with that, just an orignal none myspace,xanga,livejournal,diary-x,mydiray ect. journal loses it's popularity because you actually have to type or open your bookmarks to get into to it. and you don't get an e-mail update to tell you i update . You actually have to check and see if i wrote anything.!!!. Anyways. i still think this way of blogging is the best . even if no one reads it. .. So life is good. i think i am finally starting to feel better. and i believe God will and IS healing me, wether it's my back or my brain. GOD IS GREAT. neged was awesome yesterday, God really has sustained us through this year, purim party, lag beomer. All signs of things continuing. as far as next year? God knows. and i know i'll be there. this is definately where God has put me.
In the music world the Man alive Put an amazing CD out. i hope the world gets to hear it. so they will have money to make another CD. Wish them success on the umpcoming tour with "kid in the way "( lol screamo!)and at conerstone.(listening to hot hot heat, after i got sick of U2 after two songs. sorry guys they are a great band but are kind of boring no?)
only one on 4amblue who hasn't seen star wars .. i'll have to do something about that tonight.
attention anyone?
1:58 PM L E |
Friday, May 06, 2005
holding on.
so many miles gone, and i've grown week
maybe it's just the curb at the end of the road
i don't know anymore.
i'm losing touch.
holding on with all that i've got left. and i don't have much
everyones gone and now i am alone.
maybe it's better that way.
still holding on, got nothing left.
5:53 PM L E |